You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
