he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
