I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
