Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
