the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
