Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
