Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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