I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bring money and cleavage
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
