i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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