...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
