New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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