Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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