I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
