Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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