Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
