did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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