Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
