You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
