There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
