Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
