Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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