Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who died my cat blue again?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
