She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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