I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
