Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
