I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
