My sheets look like a crime scene.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
