1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We need to get me chipped asap
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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