Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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