Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
