Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
