Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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