I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
