You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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