Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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