For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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