I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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