Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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