i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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