I got chris browned last night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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