i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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