and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
