brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
