When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
