He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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