Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You smell like stripper and shame
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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