its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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