Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
