how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
