I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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